Posts Tagged ‘Thoughts

07
Mar
18

When You Told Me

When

You told me

About

The scar,

Immediately

I wanted

To kiss it

And make you

Feel

Wanted,

And desired-

And whole again.

When

You shared

Parts

Of your pain,

I wanted you

To feel

My touch

On your skin,

Erasing

Those memories,

And tracing

New ones

Across your body

And in your mind.

When

You hugged me,

I fought

To keep my hands

From wandering

And exploring

Your shape,

And saying

To you

“Thank you

For being

Here

In this

Moment-

Today.”

Timothy Vance Jackson

March 7, 2018

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26
Nov
17

All In One Night

There was the time

I held your

Hand

As we

Walked

In the dark,

Wandering

With a purpose

And no sense of time.

There was the time

We sat

On your couch,

Listening

To music and each other,

Talking

Longer

Than we thought.

There was the time

That you kissed me

On your stairs,

And your hands

Reached up

To the side of my face,

And when you touched

My ears,

I heard voices

In my head

Screaming

That I should

Love this woman.

There was the time

We laughed

At the absurdity

Of us

And our teenage

Excitement,

Fumbling

To undress

The thoughts

And release

All the magic of that very first touch of our bodies, skin to skin, in the soft light of near darkness.

There was that time,

And it will live

Forever.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

November 26, 2017

23
Oct
17

Your Breath Still

Your breath

Still

Clings

Damp

And warm

Against my neck

And ear,

As if

You were

Still

Gasping

In my arms

And tangled

In the sheets,

With pillows

In a pile

On the floor

Below us.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

October 23, 2017

07
Mar
17

Rip

Go ahead

And rip it

Off,

Yank it,

Tear it quickly,

I don’t care

If it takes

The hair

And the skin,

Just rip it off

And get this awkward

Silent suffering

Over.

Pull the bandages

And all the tape

Off

In an inelegant and impatient

Jerk,

And let

The bleeding

Begin

Anew,

So that

The healing

Can finally

Begin.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

March 7. 2017

05
Feb
17

I *am* alive

But

The thing is-

I’m not

Dead,

Yet.

I’m still

Here,

For now.

Due,

In no small part

To sheer stubbornness

And fear

Of the other

Options.

I’m not

A survivor

Of strength,

Or determination,

As much as

I am a survivor

Of paralysis-

Too scared

To move,

Too afraid

To do anything,

Too committed to the starry-eyed Piscean ideals of love and desire and wanting to have things be the way they ought to be because it is the right way.

I don’t

Keep breathing

Because

I am

Conquering fear,

But because

I am

Unwilling

To be

More bold.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

February 5, 2017

16
Oct
16

Seven letters

I used to believe that

Love lasted forever,

And I suppose

A part of me still does,

Possibly,

But I’ve realized that

Forever is a lot bigger

Than its seven letters.

Who can truly understand

The meaning

Of infinity

Of time?

Unlike the billions of Sagan’s stars,

Which are theoretically finite,

Love is somehow

Transcendant

And limitless,

Exceeding both time and space,

While our physical bodies

Are not.

I ache to believe

That

Love will last

Into an eternity

I can not fathom,

And will never feel,

But the practicality of heartbreak

Produces a cold and unfeeling reality

That suggests

Love is far less permanent than the dreams of an expanding universe that flows into a darkness that is unfettered by boundaries of physics or romance.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

October 16, 2016

15
Oct
16

I think

I just don’t see it happening-

That I’ll be able

To let go

Of the fear

Enough

To be open

To love or loving

After this.

And yet,

Because I am

Who I am,

And love

Is

The oxygen in my blood

Keeping me alive

Most days,

I can’t

Believe

The fear

Or the pain

That is chewing on me now

Can really

Keep me

From doing what I’ve always done-

Letting the heart

Talk the brain into

Suspending the disbelief

That “this time might be different.”

I already know

I’ll find a way

To ignore

My own warnings

And proclamations of

“Never again!”

For me,

To live

Without love,

Is to die,

And though death sounds welcoming

At times,

I’m probably still

More afraid of death

Than another heartbreak.

I think.




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