Archive for the 'Left behind' Category

15
Oct
16

I think

I just don’t see it happening-

That I’ll be able

To let go

Of the fear

Enough

To be open

To love or loving

After this.

And yet,

Because I am

Who I am,

And love

Is

The oxygen in my blood

Keeping me alive

Most days,

I can’t

Believe

The fear

Or the pain

That is chewing on me now

Can really

Keep me

From doing what I’ve always done-

Letting the heart

Talk the brain into

Suspending the disbelief

That “this time might be different.”

I already know

I’ll find a way

To ignore

My own warnings

And proclamations of

“Never again!”

For me,

To live

Without love,

Is to die,

And though death sounds welcoming

At times,

I’m probably still

More afraid of death

Than another heartbreak.

I think.

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12
Oct
16

Do it already

You’re already

Gone

So just go-

Put a bullet

Through the brain

Of this

Uncomfortable silence

And awkwardness.

Do it already-

Just cut

The last tendon

Of this

Severed limb,

And let it

Fall

To the ground

With certitude.

It won’t

Grow

Back,

But I can

Adapt

To this

Limbless reality.

The infection

Is spreading

And other organs

Are in jeopardy,

So save what’s

Healthier,

And cut out

The gangrenous

Rot.

It’ll feel

Better,

Eventually.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

October 12, 2016

02
Oct
16

Don’t Tell Me

Don’t tell me

You do,

When

You don’t.

Don’t tell me

You can,

When

You won’t.

Don’t say

It was,

When

It isn’t.

Don’t tell me

You did,

When

You stopped loving me, and caring, or even noticing I’m still here.

It would be

Better

If you stopped

Telling me

That you

Want

What I want

Too,

When

You have

No idea

What it is,

Or even what

You want.

You stopped caring

That

You no longer know

Who I am.

If I wake up

Dead,

You’ll help

My family

Bury me,

Out of a sense of obligation and duty that no longer means anything to you, but you’re too uncomfortable to admit that you simply don’t care at all anymore.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

October 1, 2016

01
Oct
16

The Inevitability of it All

I didn’t

Know better

And if I had

I wouldn’t have

Done anything

Differently,

But 

Maybe

I would’ve been

Prepared

Better

For where I am now-

Trying 

To figure out

Why

And where

And how

And if.

I might have

Gotten here

Feeling

Less surprised

Or hurt,

Or angry,

Or confused.

Maybe

I would’ve

Had more courage

To try

To be

Less afraid

Of loss.

I doubt that

Knowing

The possible outcome

Would’ve stopped me,

And I hope

That living 

The inevitability of it all

Will not

Kill me

Or my willingness

To love.
Timothy Vance Jackson

October 1, 2016

31
Jul
16

Inside/Outside

When

I was

Inside

You,

I was

No longer

Inside

Myself.
Timothy Vance Jackson

July 31, 2016

17
Jul
16

Dreams are not reality

You clung

To a belief

That others called crazy

And you feared

Might be

Unrealistic,

But

You did it

Anyway.

Love is all we need,

Until it isn’t,

And the bills

Need to get paid,

And the car needs new tires,

And jobs go away.

Then love is not

The only thing

Needed

Anymore.

“Love

Doesn’t

Pay the rent.”

Dreams

Are not

Reality,

When

Reality

Is no longer

A dream.

The yellowing paper

You once scribbled

A short love poem

To her on,

So that she would

Wake up

To it

On her pillow,

Is now crumpled

Into the corner

Of a shelf

Filled

With neatly folded laundry.

It isn’t

Gone,

But it is

Forgotten

With force-

Like you.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson

July 17, 2016

17
Jul
16

Another lifetime

It’ll take another lifetime

To get over this one-

This lifetime,

This heartache,

This broken down journey through love.

 

Timothy Vance Jackson
July 17, 2016




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